#1
My father once said to me that I should date as many girls as I possibly could at the one time… after my initial shock I soon gathered that what he meant by ‘dating’ was far different to the modern ideal. In many churches there is the idea that there is three distinct categories of heterosexual interaction. Friendship, dating and marriage. These categories are clearly defined and the step up to the next level of the relationship is relatively public at each step. This is convenient because the Church community can easily monitor each relationship and assumed, often wrongly, that each relationship falls neatly into a defined category.
However in real life relationships do not progress as simply as this, there is often no defining moments where a friendship turns into an exclusive dating relationship. And nor should there be. During the initial stages of the courting procedure (courting is not an event) friends can enjoy flirting, and dare I say it even kiss, without deserving the title of dating. Instead of seeing sexual relationships as three distinct categories I suggest that we should look at relationships as a continuum of commitment and intimacy (and later passion) all that should proceed at roughly the same rate. When reaching a psychological hurdle like becoming ‘ an item’ in a dating relationship, this natural progression of commitment and intimacy can be disrupted. The title of dating should have less emphasis and does not imply love, or too much commitment. These come later in your dating relationship, and do not materialise as soon as you are ‘going out’.
How long should a dating relationship last before you get married, or breakup? Let's assume that these are the only inevitable options, marriage or breakup. Lots of Christians get married young and that's fantastic. You should go out with someone for as long as it takes for you to establish whether you can marry them. As soon as marriage ceases to become an option, you should breakup.
There are reasons why people stay in long-term relationships even though they don't consider their partner as a suitable person to marry. People fail to choose to breakup through fear, fear of being lonely, fear of not finding anyone else. Fear, albeit an incredibly effective motivator, is a dangerous one.
Take as long as you need to take to either rule out marriage or to affirm it. Once you reach this point, breakup, or get married.
Christians can enjoy their sexuality whether in a friendship, dating, or married. However the level of passion, commitment and intimacy should all coincide. Sexuality need not be repressed if not in a dating relationship, just expressed a different way, perhaps through flirting. It is not okay for Christians to repress their sexuality or to be frigid. The phenomenon of the Christian massage is an example of Christian’s denial of their full sexuality, through the so-called innocent act of giving your friend, probably of the opposite sex, a back rub. Sexuality CAN also be innocent, and CAN be expressed without shame in the eyes of God. Who said sexuality was not innocent, God? No! It's just that in today's society media often shows explicit sexual behaviour, which is definitely not innocent. It is the job of modern-day Christians to take sexuality back and to practice it innocently and in good faith, not to deny it.
Mr Pink
1 comment:
mr pink,
do you think it wise to be physically intimate with more than one person at once?
do the people that you are physically intimate with understand they are not the only ones intimate?
the idea of getting to know many girls at once, perhaps in a more courting fashion, seems to me a good one. but this seems to be before being intimate, not at the same time.
farewell, mr pink.
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