Christian Dating

#3

In answer to your first question regarding whether Christians should date, with all the intimacy that goes with that, I believe that yes, it is appropriate. I think that we ought to do our best to be part of our culture, to live in accordance with it, as far as that is possible while still serving and glorifying God. It is therefore more clear when we do differ from popular or accepted culture (such as by refraining from sex before marriage), and hopefully the reason for our abstinence is either clear to those who are around us, or we have thought about it suifficiently to be able to give our reason when questioned. This philosophy applies similarly to our use of money, attitude to other people, particularly those who are seen as 'poor (physically, mentally, socially, economically)' in the eyes of the world, and to hopefully everything else we do.

That said, I also do see the logic in dating rather courting, as it would appear that the chance to get to know each other on a more intimate level than just friendship prior to marriage is a good thing. That said, it can not be denied that the divorce rate is much higher now than it ever was in the history of arranged marriages. Perhaps that is a function, however, of more relaxed attitude to marriage, and a 'do what you wanna do, stuff the consequences' attitude. Perhaps it also says a bit about how much people, and perhaps particularly wives, put up with in their marriage in the past. So ultimately, I think the statistics (more divorces from dating leading to marriage than from arranged marriages) do not paint the whole picture, and that dating is a good concept.

On singleness, I consider it an admirable state of being, perhaps coming more into vogue in popular culture, if not in Christian circles. I also think that there is sometimes a bit of an assumption that the grass is always greener on the other side, that a romantic relationship or marriage is so infinitely better than not having one. This may be true to a limited extent, but I do think that there are reasons for God to call individuals to singleness, and that there are advantages to being single that are not immediately evident, such as independence, and the ability to serve and follow God without having to consult anyone else. Of course, an ideal marriage may display these features too, but who has the perfect marriage?

That will just about do, I think, except to say that dating should, I believe, always be conducted with the knowledge that this may not be the person you are going to marry, despite how infatuated you both may be, and maybe a safe rule of thumb is to always act in such a way that if you break up, you would still be welcomed by their family into their house and a friendship would still be possible (this eventuality ought to be established by your conduct throughout and at the termination of the relationship, rather than being pursued following the termination of the aforementioned relationship).

Mr Green